Dreamers Like Us, Part 1

I had that dream again last night.

It’s all soft and glowy like a painting that hasn’t come into focus in my mind.  High up in the sky with a hot air balloon floating over the tops of a desert vista.  I’ve never seen anything like it in my entire life.

I live there, in a tropical paradise.  Palm trees and blue skies.   I can almost feel the sun on my skin, the dream is so vivid.

There, in this blessed world, I’m a famous painter.  People pay good money for my paintings, and even more money for my advice on how to paint.

And Darleen… oh Darleen!  She’s there, too.  Not dead, but oh, so alive!  She’s my wife and the mother of our son, Dirk.  We’re the very image of a happy family in this dream world.

Reality is less than ideal.   My paintings are decent, but no one is shoving money in my fists to take them off my hands.

And the bills keep piling up.  I can’t keep track of how many people I owe money to.

Dirk struggles to keep up on his homework. He keeps talking getting a job, or us selling the house – Darleen’s dream house – and moving into the trailer park.  I couldn’t do that to him.  He’s so smart and it’s just the two of us.  He deserves better than to worry about bills and things like that.

He should be preparing for college, like his friends.  Getting ready for the prom.  He’s got a girlfriend.  The Pleasant girl… Lilith.   She’s a different sort, but she has a good heart and I know Dirk loves her a lot.

What if she’s the one?  His one?  They deserve the chance to do all the things Darleen and I could not.

Not be weighed down by these things he cannot  change.  That’s my burden, even though at time the crushing weight of everything is so much that I cannot function.  That all I want to do is sleep and dream and recapture the magic of the Dream.